


FRAGMENTS

by lesyeuxdeyuno



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dreams, Emotions, F/M, Memories, Peace, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25364416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesyeuxdeyuno/pseuds/lesyeuxdeyuno
Summary: • Short stories• Narrative. Can be Taglish or English.• Not following any timeline unless stated otherwise.• NCT x READER• No regular updates
Relationships: NCT 127 Ensemble/Reader
Kudos: 3





	1. MEMORIES - MOON TAEIL

He was just a part of your past- exists only in your memories.

But then, you didnt know that his memory was something you carried.

And that his memory is more alive than you are. 

You're at a coffee shop when you see him enter.

You havent been in touch, but you're friends on social media. You have an idea on what he's been doing.

On how he's been doing.

You debate with yourself. Should you call him? Say hello? Or would that be awkward? 

He used to be the love of your life. You used to be his heart and soul.

Until one day, the love disappeared from your life. And he lost his soul when you broke his heart.

You parted ways in good terms. No shouting, no blaming, no cursing.

Just acceptance. 

That there used to be love and laughter and warmth between your kisses. But in the end it turned cold and unfeeling.

It turned into nothing.

He sees you.

He smiles- gentle and genuine. As if you did not hurt him. As if you did not break him

Perhaps he has forgiven you. 

You smile back as your heart skips a beat.

He walks to you, a smile still in his face.

Suddenly all your memories together flash before your eyes-

The first meeting.

The first "i love you".

The first kiss.

The first touch.

And you feel as if it was yesterday when it last happened.

"Hi," he says.

"You look good," you say.

You look happy, you think.

He opens he mouth when someone calls him. You both look behind him.

His smile widens.

Your smile is forced.

"Your wife looks beautiful pregnant," you tell him, "it suits her. She's radiant." 

"It's great seeing you again," he waves and walks towards his wife.

You smile at his wife too as she waves at you.

They look happy.

He looks happy.

He found happiness after the pain you caused him.

Now you must find happiness after the pain you caused yourself. 

You laugh bitterly as you sip your coffee.

He was just a part of your past- a bittersweet memory.

And yet the echo of the pain feels more alive than the beating of your heart.

You wonder, until when will you carry his memory?


	2. DESIRES - JOHNNY SUH

He was fire- powerful and all consuming. He woke up something feral and primal within you.

He was all you desired, it almost made you insane with want.

He is everything you see and he is in everything you see.

You cannot escape him.

You cannot capture him. 

You did not know what it was that got your attention.

You were lost in a sea of people, different lives with different faces. You were drowning in people's voices.

Then suddenly, he is all you see.

You never knew what it was that made him stand out, like a beacon guiding you. 

You followed him to shore. He became your harbor.

His smile made you fall.

His eyes made you weak.

His voice made you want more.

You feel it, at the pit of your stomach, begging for his attention. Begging for his touch.

You want him.

You crave him.

You desire him. 

The first touch was like fire creeping in your veins, igniting more desire in you.

The first kiss was like a shot of ecstasy- bringing you to an unbelievable high.

The first night was pure euphoria. You were touched in places you've never been touched, found pleasure unknown. 

But your desire was not just physical.

You wanted his time.

You wanted his attention.

You wanted his future.

You wanted love.

But you realized that he can give you all the pleasure you desire. He can make your body sing, caress it and worship it. He can touch you in any way. 

But he will never touch your heart. And you can never touch his.

"I'm sorry," he says, "pero hanggang dito lang ako."

"Alam ko," you whisper, naked beside him, "ako yung hindi tumupad sa usapan."

You stand up, baring your soul to him.

"I was the one who desired for more," you say.

You left his bed. And with it, a part of you. You cannot walk away whole. Because even if he didnt want you, he already took part of you.

If only you can take a part of him too.

But he did not desire you enough to let you take it. 

You were drowning in a sea of people, different faces with parts missing in different places.

You see him again, standing out in the crowd.

You want to call his name.

But you soon realize that as you look at him, he looks at someone else.

And there, shining in his eyes.

It was desire.

He taught you how to want.

Too bad he never wanted you the way you wanted him to.


	3. DREAMS - LEE TAEYONG

Lee Taeyong was your dream guy.

He was your dream come true.

He taught you how to dream, how to have a goal, and how to move forward.

He inspired you.

He motivated you.

He pushed you to succeed.

But you pulled him back.

Pulled him too hard.

Until the connection snapped. 

You met him at work.

You worked for the money- for the salary that's good enough to pay your bills and help your family.

You were just one of the employees. You did not stand out because you did nothing to stand out. You gave what was expected, nothing more, nothing less. 

Then he came- with a loud voice and a never ending energy.

He worked hard, gave more than what was asked.

"May pangarap ako," he tells you when you ask why he works more than what was needed.

"Nag-iipon lang ako. But I want to start my own company." He says with conviction. 

You saw his work ethic, you saw his hardwork.

You started to admire him. And with each day your admiration grew to love.

"I love you," you tell him as you talk about his dreams.  
"I love you too," he says back.

You do not have dreams that way he does. You do not aspire anything.

But at that moment, you felt as if your dream came true.

He pushed you forward, he pushed you to succeed. And for a while you did. Together.

You know you succeeded because you had him.

You know he was meant for success.

But in the long run, he wasnt meant to succeed with you.

As he got closer to his dream, the farther he got from you.

His time was poured into working hard. His passion for you died as his passion for his dream burned stronger.

You tried to pull him back to you.

But doing so would pull him away from his dream. 

Missed calls.  
Missed dates.  
Missing him.

But he was working and he was succeeding.

You were just baggage.

"I cant go where you're going," you tell him.

"And I cant stay here, unmoving," he says back.

You both make a choice.  
You both chose his dream.

"Goodbye."  
"Good luck." 

You are working at a new company.

You left the old one after he did- you couldnt stand the echoes he left.

You see his face on a magazine.

Of course, he made it.

At least his dreams came true.  
Even if yours could never be.  
Because he was your dream.  
But it wasnt meant to be.


	4. FEARS - NAKAMOTO YUTA

He wasn't perfect. But he seemed so close to it.

Too close that it made your imperfections stand out when you were with him.

He saw the beauty in you.  
He saw love in you.  
He saw his life with you.

But you were too blinded by fear to see him with you. 

You know he is out of your league.

Handsome, smart, hardworking, well-off, even funny. He is everything a woman could ever wish for in a man.

But you never dared to wish for him, never hoped to have someone like him.

You never thought you deserved him. 

But for whatever reason, he saw you.  
He chose you.  
He fell in love with you.

He pursued you and made you feel like a princess. Like you deserve to be courted and showered with love and effort. Slowly, you started falling.

One day you woke up filled with so much love for him. 

You became lovers.  
You were happy.

But secretly, you were afraid.

There is a voice that whispers.  
"You dont deserve him."

And no matter how loudly he says "i love you"

It cant drown the dark voice in your mind that says otherwise. 

And slowly, the fear in you grows.

Fear that one day he'll wake up and see the ugliness in you.

Fear that he'll realize he deserves more than you.

Fear that he'll leave you for someone better.

And so you prepare yourself for the day he evetually leaves.

You build your walls. 

"Gusto kang makilala ng parents ko."

"Next time ok lang?"

"Sama ka samin ng friends ko"

"Wag na. Kayo na lang. Enjoy kayo."

"Date tayo?"

"Busy ako eh."

"Mahal mo pa ba ako?"

"Anong tanong yan?"

"Ano bang kinakatakot mo?"

"Ikaw. Takot ako sayo." 

The day you fear arrives.  
You break up.

You told yourself you were ready for this. But still you cried.

Because feeling like you dont deserve him is different from actually facing the truth.

You wish him well.  
You wish him the best.  
You wish he finds someone as perfect as him.

And then you cried. In the silence of the night, you cried your heart out.

You see him again.

But he isnt the Yuta you knew and loved.

He is different- uncomposed, confused.

Lost.

"Wala na akong naging stable girlfriend after you." He tells you as you drink. 

"Bakit?" You ask, feeling the bitterness at the back of your throat.

"Iniwan mo ako eh," he laughs bitterly, "after you left pakiramdam ko hindi na ako deserve mahalin ng kahit sino."

He looks at you then and you see fear in his eyes.

The same fear you saw in yours. 

Your heart broke again as you watched him leave- a shadow of the great man he once was.

Once again you hated yourself.

Because not only did your fear hold you back.

It also broke the man you love.

Who is now living with the same fear that was once with you.


	5. EMOTIONS - KIM DOYOUNG

Emotions

What makes you human? Isnt it the emotions you feel?

Joy.  
Anger.  
Grief.  
Fear.

These emotions make you a person.

You used to feel nothing.  
Until Doyoung came.

He made you feel things, made you feel alive. He made you feel human.

He also made you feel pain. 

You used to be numb.

And that was okay. You couldnt feel happy but at least you couldnt feel sad.

You lived in a bubble, muted feelings, no complications.

It had always been a cloudy day, you never saw the sun. But at least it wasnt raining.

But the sun rose when he came.

He was warmth and laughter. He was summer and happiness. He taught you how to laugh, how to live.

He taught you love.

He loved you deeply, unconditionally, without end. In his arms, you are safe

And you loved him just as much.

For the first time in a long time, you are happy. 

But with the happiness he brings, other emotions also comes.

"Bakit ba hindi mo ako maintindihan?!" He yells at you.

"Ikaw ang hindi makaintindi!" You yell back.

Plates broken, clothes scattered, voice hoarse from hours of yelling.

He taught you anger.

The flowers died. 

His hand reaches for you.  
You lace your fingers in his.

"I love you," he whispers as tears fall in his eyes, "i'm sorry. Bati na tayo."

"I love you too," you say back.

Your kiss mends the broken pieces.

But the cracks are there, and you're afraid to fall between them. 

You start again.

The flowers bloom and you become happy again.

Spring has come. Followed by the warmth you loved.

But it eventually leads to flowers wilting. To fights and cries and broken things.

It became a cycle- for every smile, there is pain.

He taught you fear. 

"Tama na," you beg, "Pagod na ako."

He made you feel things, gave you a multitude of emotions-

Happiness  
Grief  
Anger  
And pain.

You cant take it anymore. Emotions tire you out, takes a lot of energy.

You're drowning in the emotions he gave.

You dont want to feel anymore. 

He leaves you. But he takes your heart with him.

And that's okay because it belongs to him. It's his to take.

Its cold again, a cloud hovering above you.

You welcome the numbness.

"Hindi ka na tao," they say.

"Ok lang," you smile without emotion, "at least hindi masakit."


	6. PEACE - JUNG JAEHYUN

Life is a war and every day is a battle.  
Some days, you win.   
Some days, you lose.  
And some days, you just give up.

You struggled everyday.  
But when you met him, you found rest. You found safety.

You found peace.

And he protected the peace you found in him. 

You met Jaehyun in Switzerland.

Everyone you know was against your trip there. No one wanted to come with you inspite of your pleas.

Another battle you lost.

But still, you went alone.

"Jaehyun will assist you in everything you need," the owner says.

Your eyes meet. 

"Hi," he smiles gently.

"Hello," you shake his hand, soft and warm.

You talk to him all day. His voice is gentle, his laugh is melodic, his presence gave you peace.

For once, you feel at ease- painless. You feel refreshed.

For once, you feel understood.  
And it feels good. 

"Good morning," you greet him.

He smiles at you, "let's talk outside. The flowers are in perfect bloom."

You take a stroll. He listens to what you say, asks questions no one bothered asking you.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Yes," you reply.

He nods and you continue to walk. 

You never saw judgement in his eyes in all the times you talked.

He accepts your words and choices without questioning them.

You did not have to fight for your right with him. You did not battle- struggle- to make him understand.

He just does.

You treasure the peace he gives. 

"Tomorrow is the day," he tells you gently, "are you still certain in your decision?"

"Yes,"

"Alright," he pushes you forward, "we'll have everything you requested arranged for you."

"Will you be there?" You ask.

"If you want," he smiles.

"Will you hold my hand?"

"Okay," 

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

You lay in bed, the IV connected to your arm. All the preparations have been made as you requested.

Words are said- terminally ill, euthanasia, consent- but you hardly hear them.

Your focus was on Jaehyun, his warm hand in yours.

"Thank you," you tell him. 

You were terminally ill, nothing can cure you.

So you decided to end it. You've fought and struggled your entire life. 

You refuse to fight until your death.

Your eyelids are getting heavy as morphine courses in you.

You meet his eyes- warm and peaceful.

You smile. 

His soft gaze was the last thing you see. His warm touch the last thing you feel.

He held your heart so gently on your last moments that until the end, he was your peace.

On the day that you chose, the way that you chose, with people you chose.

You closed your eyes forever.


End file.
